I wish to caution you;
If a child's behavior begins to make you overly angry, stop yourself and think. Do not fear asking a friend or other loved one
for help. Find a support group, a church, or even a 12 step group before your behavior gives children's services an excuse to
get involved.
We all have the right to make our own lifestyle choices. However, none of us have been granted the right to physically or
emotionally do harm to anyone, other than maybe a lite, non-violent spanking on a child's clothed backside or leg, and with a
loving explanation to follow. But only when all other behaver modifiers have failed! But none of us has the right to strike
another person. Period!
We may not always agree with another's behavior, religious or political aspirations, sexual preferences, but we are not their
judge. If we have strong evidence that someone's behavior is harming another who can not defend their-self, we must then
seek intervention for them. If we fail to act, and the problem escalates, we will then be held to account for our inaction. We are
our brothers keeper, as we are one in the same.
Facts about Domestic Violence
1. Abusers will gain control over their victims by using verbal attacks causing humiliation and fear.
2. Abusers will refer to the victim using degrading terms in private and in front of others.
3. Abusers will keep tabs on the victim’s activities and treat the victim like a "servant".
4. Abusers try to control all aspects of the victim’s life. Through Isolation the abuser is able to gain exclusive
access to the victim.
5. Abusers will often move their victim and the children away from the victim's family and friends.
6. Abusers encourage, coerce, limit contact with and lie to alienate their victim from their support systems
(friends and family). These tactics give the abuser the ability to maintain control over their victim.
7. Abusers deny the abuse has occurred, minimize its severity and blame the victim for causing it.
8. Abusers convince their victims that it is all their fault, working to convince their victim that the victim does not
think as they believe people should.
9. Abusers will threaten to harm the victims, their children and other loved ones, including the elderly and family
pets.
10. Abusers will use body size, gestures, destruction of property and the display of weapons to force the victim
into submission. Every nine seconds in America a women is beaten by her spouse, ex-husband or significant
other.
11. Abusers beat their victims 3 to 4 times annually.
Domestic Violence is a learned behavior.
The abuser can only change if they are willing to choose to make the life-long commitment to no longer be
abusive.
Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in our country.
The FBI estimates that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds.
Thirty percent of female homicide victims are killed by partners or ex-partners and 1,500 women are murdered
as a result of domestic violence each year in the United States.
Friends don't turn the other cheek to allow domestic abuse continue.
If it is allowed to happen once, there is a very good chance it will happen again and again.
Your stories and advice could save another person’s life
Your friend may be afraid to ask family or friends for help because she is embarrassed.
The best thing you can do is to offer your patience, love and understanding.
Encourage your loved one to admit that they or being abused.
Make sure they understand that they are not the problem, but rather the abuser is, and only she can regain
control over her life and that no one deserves to be abused in any form.
Myths and Facts of Domestic Violence
MYTH: Abuse is only a momentary loss of temper.
FACT: Abuse is the use of violence and other forms of abuse to establish control and power in a relationship.
One in five female victims reports having been abused over and over again by the same person.
MYTH: It is easy for a battered woman to leave the abuser.
FACT: Women who leave their abuser are at 75% greater risk of being killed by the abuser than those who stay.
Nationally, 50% of homeless women and children are on the street because of violence in their home.
MYTH: Drugs and alcohol cause the violence.
FACT: Addiction is no excuse to free the abuser from responsibility of their behavior. This does not explain why
the abuser uses violence, and why he targets a woman or a child for abuse, nor why he still abuses when he is
sober. With this being said, he will need to be treated for two separate problems- his addition and living problem.
MYTH: Abused women provoke the violence.
FACT: Anyone can find themselves abused. The victim is not at fault, but rather the abuser, the person who has
cause the abuse. No one can be responsible for another person's deliberate choices and actions. Abuse is
NEVER deserved.
Every person deserves to be treated with respect and to feel safe in a relationship.
Gain Domestic Violence Support
The most important thing is to remember; that people who care about you - family, friends, coaches , can help
you break away and support you during this difficult time.
Do not be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, such as asking a friend to stay with you for a few days,
assist you with getting the necessary help you will need or just listen when you want to talk.
It's important to understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It shows that you have courage and
are willing to stand up for yourself.
Let's take a look at some manipulating tricks abusers use to get to their victims to return.
Do not allow yourself be fooled, learn to be smart.
Do not allow your abuser to hold you hostage to emotional loyalty.
The Lies
1. Honeymoon Syndrome; He will promise to move heaven and earth (also known as "Hearts and Flowers")
2. Super Dad Syndrome; he promises he will be a better dad. This works especially if he has neglected the kids
in the past.
3. Revival Syndrome; this is not really a valid revival or salvation since he has probably only gone to church only
a few times. "I have been going to church every Sunday since you left." I have accepted Christ into my life." He
puts the responsibility for his battering on God. God would never allow his child to suffer this way.
4. Sobriety Syndrome; "I only hurt you when I am drunk" Drinking does not cause beating--if it did, then they
would beat strangers on the street!
5. Counseling Syndrome; "I have gone to counseling, I won't do it anymore.
Here is a big "Red Flag" (Long term counseling is needed and less than 1% voluntarily go into counseling.
Domestic Violence can be found in all age, racial, socioeconomic, economical, occupational and religious groups.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911!
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
TDD for the Hearing Impaired: 1-800-787-3224
Often those who have suffered the trauma of abuse, rather than learn mental copying skills, will develop physical ways to deal
with the trauma in the form of self-mutilation.
For resources to find support and learn copying skills, please see the following resources -
National Crime Victims Center (HERE)
Crisis Intervention Network (HERE)
Self-Mutilation: Education/Treatment (HERE)
Al Anon (HERE)
My Healing the Spirit page has some excellent thought changing information on it (HERE)
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