For weeks that cloud of pending doom hung over my head like a vulture waiting for me to perish so it could consume
my rotting soul.
Years after suffering several weeks of severe depression I recalled having had sprayed silver and gold paint in a room without
ventilation. It appears that the chemicals within the spray paint had caused a chemical imbalance that then caused me to believe
that my life and all of my accomplishments had been washed down the drain.
When I was taken for evaluation I was treated like a leper. I then became enraged. I was offered psychotropic drugs, however I was
by then so angry that I no longer felt depressed. It was like my brain chemicals that had allowed the severe anger had trumped the
chemicals that had caused the depression. And once I calmed down and took stock of my life I was once again moving forward.
I removed a person from my life who I felt had been causing me much stress and stopped smoking pot because I felt that the pot
was beginning to cause me to feel paranoid. This is when I began to realize how environmental factors play a predominate role in
No matter how bad you may be feeling you must exercise, stay busy and maintain a healthy diet. But most of all, concentrate on
what's right in the world, rather than on what's wrong with the world. Choose to live within the solution rather than residing within the
problem. And if you live within an environment with acute chemical or emotional toxicity, move!
"Q: (Laura) I would like to know what is the reason for this terrible depression I have been experiencing for so long now. I am sick of
A: It is a crushing attack. (Psychic attack reflects within physicality as physical or emotional disturbance).
Q: (L) Where is it coming from?
A: 4th density STS. (Is service-to-self orientation that those within the Christian community call "Devil" or "evil")
Q: (L) What can I do to break it before it breaks me?
Q: (L) By what? How do you counteract the things that are just beyond my ability to deal with?
A: How is the attack represented in 3rd density for you?
Q: (L) How? Because it seems that my husband does not love me. I do not feel safe or in any way able to function as a wife and
mother with this feeling, and I know that it must be a misperception on my part, but I cannot help but feel this way. How can I get
over this feeling that he is constantly trying to break me into pieces?
Not only do I have to bear the constant burden of the children with no support, the house, managing everything, but I also am
continuously sniped at by him. None of my feelings are ever considered. I feel like I am being shoved over and buried by a
bulldozer. Is that what you want to know?
A: You are diverting by secession.
Q: (L) What do you mean?
A: What is the definition of "to secede?" (Divorce)
Q: (L) To leave a union. To step out. To break a union.
A: Attack is not countered by following objectives of attack.
Q: (L) What are the objectives of this attack aside from crushing me?
A: Secession at an inappropriate juncture to throw plans askew.
Q: (L) What plans would be thrown askew by secession at this point?
Q: (L) What?
A: And all other.
Q: (L) Well, I just feel that I would plunge into a pit if I had to secede, as you put it.
A: Suggest ignoring "snipes" and other unpleasantness, as it is not of your being, thus should not be taken "to heart," and when
taken thusly, causes emotional disturbances which manifests as depression and related maladies. These ailments tend to grow in
scope and intensity, thereby causing severe damage to plans and activities aimed at executing ones "mission."
Q: (L) I want you guys to know that I sometimes feel a wee tiny bit like a pawn on a chessboard!
A: You should, you inhabit 3rd density STS environment.
Q: (L) I was at least hoping that if I was a pawn, that some of the players were good guys. Is that asking too much?
Q: (L) To which statement?
A: Good guys don't play chess.
Q: (L) But there have been so many strange events, so many synchronous events. Is that the good guys helping or the bad guys
leading me astray?
A: Neither. It is Nature running its course. (Laura is being prepared to graduate to 4D. Transformation is like the birthing pains of childbirth)
Q: (L) Okay. One of the sensations I have experienced is that I have had it up to the eyebrows with the negative energies and
experiences of 3rd density, and I have thought lately that this feeling of having had enough, in an absolute sense, is one of the
primary motivators for wanting to find one's way out of this trap we are in. I want out of it. Is this part of this "nature" as you call it?
Q: (L) When a group of people...
A: When you see the futility of the limitations of 3rd density life, it means you are ready to graduate. Notice those who wallow in it."
I do believe, however that heavy metals and other chemicals within the environment is often the cause of chemical
imbalance that leads to depression. I have evidence that some of us are under what is called "psychic attract", thus are programed
to self-destruct (As is the case with Laura). However, this notion is so out-of-the-box that I'll leave it there.
After opening an alcohol and other drug treatment center with two of my classmates I became concerned for our client's safety.
Many of our clients were court ordered to abide by the prescribed treatments of our county's mental health office. The prescribed
treatment for this institution was primary prescribing our clients psychotropic drugs that seemed to be doing them more harm than
good. The more out spoken (spirited) clients became so passive on these drugs that it was as if their soul had been robbed from
In a class my wife and I had taken together she wrote the following article on depression;
Symptoms of Depression: "The act of depressing or the state of being depressed. Low spirits, feeling moody or blue;
(Psychiatry), a lowering of vital powers, melancholy, especially; psychopathic melancholy leading to mental disorder. (Funk &
Wagnall's, New Comprehensive International Dictionary). One fourth of all women have a major bout with depression at sometime in
their lives, but sometimes the symptoms are so masked in illness, that they don't realize that depression is causing the problem.
Family physician's hear complaints of headaches, backaches, or the blahs, and often patient's get undiagnosed because they
remain unaware that their problem could be related to a mood disorder". (Woman's Encyclopedia of Health & Emotional Healing,
"Major depression is far more than unrelenting sadness, or an inability to enjoy lives pleasures. The classic symptoms include
severe disturbances, in appetite and sleep patterns, namely insomnia and drastic weight loss. Other women tend to overeat, sweat
carbohydrates and sleep excessively. It isn't "the blues" or feeling low for a few hours, it isn't sadness that comes after a
relationship breakup, loss of job, death of a family member, or failing to meet a goal. It is a whole body illness with changes in body
chemistry that causes a variety of symptoms.
Chronic depression is when your symptoms become increasingly severe until they disrupt your every day routine. You also have
feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness. You feel restless, irritable and have difficulty concentrating, remembering.
Women in unhappy, unhealthy marriages are much more likely to be depressed than married men, or single women. Mothers of
young children, and also poverty of single mother's, lead to major depression. Hereditary factors, infertility, menstruation and
childbirth can be problems for mood swings in depression.
Women appear to be more vulnerable to depression than men, but are better equipped to handle such an emotional and physical
crisis. Women are far less likely to succeed in ending their lives by suicide than their male counterparts. Women are more open and
at ease with their doctors. This allows women to reach out for help, before it is too late.
Family structures have disintegrated to the point, where we no longer well that we can count on the kind of emotional support that
our parents and grandparents received within their families. Also, the influences of religious, moral and cultural traditions have
changed. Our trust in our government and educational systems is no longer as secured as the days gone by.
Therefore, women tend to react rather than to act, and to focus more on relationships with others as a source of happiness and self-
esteem than do men. Women are also more likely to blame and punish themselves, even for events over which they have no
control. Men on the other hand, tend to respond to frustration and disappointment by acting with violence and substance abuse
rather than with introspection and depression. In other words, men are more likely to explode rather than implode when faced with
stress?" (Women Doctor's Guide To Depression, Page 7).
"Women feel less secure, less able to trust their own instincts, in terms of violence, than do their male counterparts. Thus, perhaps
is the cause of why women are becoming even more susceptible to mood disorders like depression. However, men hide their
emotions better than women, causing society grave concern.
There are three primary categories of depression: Major depression, dysthymia, and bipolar disorder. Major depression is a
disorder that significantly alters behavior and health often interferes with one’s ability to manage one’s daily life. In its most severe
form, it may require psychiatric hospitalization for a period of time. Dysthymia, or chronic mild depression tends to have milder
symptoms than major depression, but also can be longer lasting, whether or not dysthymia is a separate entity from major
depression or simply a less intense version of the same disorder remains a subject of debate.
Finally, bipolar disorder involves periods of manic, (high strung, high-energy) behavior followed by periods of depression, and is
probably the most serious of depressive disorders. Bipolar disorder may require both pharmacologic (drug) treatment and
therapeutic intervention. At times, bipolar disorder can cause psychiatric emergency requiring recurrent psychiatric hospitalization".
(Woman Doctors Guide to Depression, Page 46).
:"The human brain and nervous system form a vast communications network, larger and more complexes than the long distance
companies. Every emotion we feel, action we take, and physiologic function we do is processed through the brain and the nerve
fibers. These fibers extend down the spinal cord and throughout the body.
The remarkable advances made in medical technology, have been able to trace how the limbic system registers emotion, and then
produces emotional reactions, with cooperation of other parts of the brain and body. Experiments show that emotional opposites
like happiness and sadness involve quite independent patterns of activity.
When it comes to depression, it seems that the same area of the brain appears to be involved in both depression and ordinary
sadness, but in different waves.
This could then explain the emptiness and numbness many depressed people report. It also appears that men and women might
process sadness very differently.
In women, sadness causes much more activity in the brain than that of men. This could explain how and why women tend to
experience period of more profound sadness than men, and suffer twice the rate of depression.
Sadness, joy, dread, regret, anticipation, awe, the extraordinary variety of depth, of our human emotion! This is our most treasured
quality. Our ability to experience emotion our most precious gift! Being healthy means being able to experience joy as well as
sadness, anger as well as passivity, contentedness as well as frustration. For this experience to occur, our brain cells must be able
to communicate with one another, to send messages from one cell to the next, and from one center of our brain activity to the other.
Biochemical balance appears to be an important key to mental health.
Chronobiology studies the importance of natural body rhythms to overall mental and physical health. Let's look at what science
knows about where in the body our emotions and moods reside. Scientists estimate that they've learned a full 95 percent of what
they know about brain anatomy and physiology during the last decade alone. What they've discovered is that the "mind" (thoughts,
emotions, moods, and memories) and the "brain' (tissues, chemicals, and nerve cells) are not separate entities but instead
intimately intertwined. Mental experiences affect the way the brain functions, and brain processes affect the way we think, feel, and
behave". (Woman Doctors Guide to Depression, Page 55.
"It might seem that having an emotional crisis could actually work to fight disease since it triggers the immune system to take action.
However, the immune system becomes overworked if constantly stimulated, eventually losing its effectiveness and leaving the body
open to disease. This explains why illness tends to occur during, or immediately following, periods of stress.
It also shows another link between depression and many physical illnesses. Severely depressed heart attack patients are about five
times as likely to die within six months of leaving the hospital as patients who aren't depressed. Thoughts and emotions act on
immune system cells and are not fully understood. It appears that the brain is capable of triggering the immune system to perform in
certain ways, but when it senses fear, it can trigger the heart to beat faster.
Like neurotransmitters, chemicals were once thought to exist only in the brain, but have since been found throughout the body.
Please keep in mind that suffering from depression can leave us more vulnerable to a host of other illnesses as well, both
psychiatric (like anxiety disorders or substance abuse) and medical (like heart disease and cancer problems).
The sun brings light each morning and takes it away at dusk triggering the release of inactivation of certain hormones that trigger
our mood and behavior. We don't go to sleep when it's dark only out of habit, or because darkness makes activity more difficult or
even just because we're tired. This is largely because the body produces a hormone called melatonin, known as "the chemical
expression of darkness", when the eyes tell the brain that it is dark outside.
Melatonin signals the rest of the body that it is time to rest. When the sun comes up, the body stops producing the melatonin that
triggers the release of the more action oriented hormones, such as cortisol. Our body temperature and blood pressure begin to
rise, revving the body up for daytime activity.
Episodes of depression and bipolar disorder occur much more in fall and winter than they do in spring and summer months. This
tendency is so pervasive that a category of depression called SAD (seasonal affective disorder) has been created.
About ten million Americans suffer with SAD every year, usually in the months from October through April. Due to the amount of
light to which we are exposed lessens significantly during the winter months, causing scientists to believe that people with SAD,
most of who are women, may be particularly sensitive to the concurrent increase in melatonin secretions". (Woman Doctor Guide to
Depression, Page 68).
"Chronobiologists have discovered a number of fascinating things about how these rhythms affect our health. Experiments show
that even after being awake more than twenty hours, people free of time cues slept twice as long when they went to bed when their
temperature was at its highest (in early evening) than it was during its lowest (in the early morning).
Our senses of hearing, taste, and smell tend to be most acute, strangely enough, in the middle of the night (around 3 A. M.). They
then fall off during the morning, then rise again to a new height between 5 and 7 P.M., which may be one of the reasons why the
evening meal tends to be more sumptuous than a breakfast or lunch time. Tolerance for pain is at its highest in the afternoon,
which is why it might make sense that this is the best time of day to visit a dentist or participate in strenuous activity.
Chronobiology explores the effect rhythms have on our mental health, including their influence on depression and bipolar disorder,
sense normal nighttime increase in melatonin secretion are absent in three out of four depressed people studied.
In patients with bipolar disorder the melatonin rhythm seems completely desynchronized, with more melatonin produced during
depressive phases, a less during manic periods. One reason for this disruption is that melatonin is derived from the
neurotransmitter serotonin, which is also in an unbalanced state in most people with depression and bipolar disorder". (Woman
Doctor's Guide to Depression, Page 67)
"Women in their forties and fifties having unmet expectations, and the fear that they have nothing that can replace their children, or
empty nest syndrome, are one of the more troubling and stressful challenges today. For some, this stress can trigger an addiction
to alcohol or other drugs, or even cause an existing dependence for depression to deepen.
People who are very anxious or compulsively driven to "succeed" often become self destructive in this process. A number of
successful physicians have stated that because of their ever increasing need to maintain their pace, they have become dependent
upon a variety of sedative and stimulant drugs, chiefly barbiturates to help them to sleep, and amphetamines to give them the
energy required to maintain their tremendous pace.
The need for larger and larger doses to produce the same effects resulted in a cycle of dependence habituation that progressively
causes more severe withdrawal symptoms. By the time they consult with others, this syndrome had begun to impair their work and
jeopardize their careers, until under pressure from families and colleagues they sought treatment to help them withdraw from these
While it may seem curious that professional people in a position of community responsibility should fall prey to such a self-
destructive habit, in fact this kind of drug abuse is not uncommon among people in high-pressure occupations, and especially in
those where there is ready access to medication. These doctors' drug abuse began, in fact, as unmonitored self-medication, and
only gradually developed into a problematic dependence". (The Courage to Live, Page 112).
"It is not surprising, that they should have turned to barbiturates. Their self-imposed heavy workload created anxiety. The anxiety
made them sleepless, at night as well as during the day, and sedatives were the obvious solution.
This same pattern of abuse is often found among hard-driving executives in the business world. Their pressured life-style makes
many of them turn not to drugs but to the most readily available addictive substance in our society; alcohol.
The link between alcohol abuse and self-destruction is sometimes difficult to establish in a society that makes alcohol available
almost everywhere, in restaurants, theaters, airplanes, commuter trains, and even, supermarkets, and drugstores. Drinking in this
country connotes sociability, freedom, and the "good life"". (The Courage to Live, Page 113).
"Drinking alcohol plays an important symbolic role in rites of birth, confirmation, marriage, anniversaries, retirement. It also plays a
role in people getting hired, fired, promoted, divorced, or honored. It becomes an occasion for the invitation to have a drink. It can
help people to unwind after a hectic day. In moderation, alcohol can have a beneficial effect. However, everyone’s body chemistry is
different, in that, what would be excessive for one, may not have the same effect on another.
Alcohol, as is any drug has addictive properties. This means that progressive use of any substance can lead to addiction. Alcohol
reduces anxiety, but it also dulls the senses and warps judgment. As the use of it grows, so do physiological problems. Appetite and
enthusiasm may decline. Sleep may be restless and troubled. Irritability and depression may ensue". (The Courage to Live, Page
"Women, and Native Americans have a strong propensity for addiction, coupled with alcohol, and depression, these often form a
tragic triangle for these. Alcoholism and depression have genetic components, and they often run together through families.
Approximately 40 percent of all adults who abuse alcohol or other drugs are women. More than 70 percent of women at the Betty
Ford Center visit the treatment center for alcohol addiction. According to studies conducted by the National Institute of Mental
Health, half of all women alcoholics are seriously depressed and two-thirds of them are depressed before they begin abusing
alcohol". (A Woman Doctor's Guide to Depression, Page 96).
"Self-destruction or suicide? It is somewhat surprising to discover, that which points to an interesting factor to consider when
attempting to predict who will commit, or attempt to commit, suicide, and when. It is not always the most obviously depressed people
who are at risk for suicide.
Those to watch out for are, often the patient's who show a sudden or uncustomary sense of contentment after a period of marked
depression. They exhibit not radically disturbed behavior, but what would be called an ominous calm, like the calm before a storm.
Say a friend exhibits typical pre-suicidal behavior. They have expressions of hopelessness, references to suicide, expression of the
inability to meet the demands of friends and relatives. They also have expressions of anxiety and a behavior that is passive and
manipulative. Suppose your friend who has been exhibiting these characteristics for sometime suddenly becomes quite calm, quite
self-assured. Their complaints about life vanish.
Say the individual becomes very generous and begin to give away their most prized possessions. Certain serenity you have not
witnessed before now. How would you interpret their behavior? Most of us would rejoice in such a transformation. However, this
would be a mistake, perhaps even a deadly mistake. This change in behavior is typical paradoxically, not of patients who are
actually as well visibly improving". (The Courage to Live, Page 99).
"Their surrender of worldly goods, apparent serenity, is all signs of new and fact determination. Such behavior, looks so confident
on the surface, often disguises a sense of purpose. Shrugging off suicide attempts as bids for attention is an irresponsible
The high-risk depressed patients tend to fall into four categories:
1. Middle-aged males recently separated from their wives and/or unemployed.
2. Alcoholic females.
3. Young drug abusers.
4. The isolated elderly.
We must learn how to re-educate depressed people. We must help them to deal with immediate crisis through education on how to
deal with life on life’s terms. Give them a worthy purpose and teach them how to manage their time to fill the loss.
There are various treatment plans for depression. Antidepressants drugs, to psychodynamic psychotherapy, behavioral therapy,
marriage, family counseling. Some may still use electroconvulsive therapy for individuals with severe depression who are suicidal,
delusional, or whose disorder is life threatening.
Treatment for depression has four main goals:
1. To restore any underlying chemical imbalance in the brain.
2. To help sort through any personal issues, past or present, that may have contributed to or complicate the condition.
3. To help repair any relationship or situation that may have caused the damage during the bout with depression.
4. To teach new, more positive ways to think about the value of life and help better manage relationships.
According to the National Institute of mental Health, less than one in every three depressed persons ever seek treatment. There
remains a great deal of shame and guilt associated with mental illness that too often prevents people from seeking the help they
require. The good news here is that more than 80 percent of those people who do seek help, have experienced significant
improvement in just a few months". (Women Doctor's Guide to Depression, Page 40).
Ferber, Jane S., M.D., with Suzanne Levert, Women Doctor's Guide to Depression.
Funk & Wagnall's, New International Dictionary of The English Language.
Kiev, Ari, M.D., The Courage to Live.
Gloria Steinem & Lila A. Wallis, M.D., Women's Encyclopedia of Health & Emotional Healing.